Random Thoughts And Humor
"David Letterman's Top Ten List
Top Ten Signs You've Hired a Bad Accountant:
10. Asks you how many monies you made this year.
9. The calculator he's been adding numbers on is actually a TV remote control.
8. What he calls 'tax forms,' most people call 'paper hats.'
7. Accompanies you to your audit wearing a giant bunny suit.
6. Takes you aside and whispers, 'Between you, me, and the lamppost - a nine's more or less the same thing as a six, right?'
5. When filling out your form, asks, 'What color crayon should I use?'
4. You recognize him as the guy who 'Horshack' on 'Welcome Back, Kotter.'
3. Repeatedly grabs himself and says, 'Deduct this, am I right?'
2. Tells you that strangers living in your house can be declared as dependents.
1. His only other client: Willie Nelson "
Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Sure! Just hold on a second ...
Q: "How many computer scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A1: "Five. Two write the specifications, one to prove their validity and two to implement it."
A2: "None. Just leave it alone and maybe it will screw in itself."
Can't beat the subservient chicken doing a riverdance, but ah well.
So did you know you can't have more than two doors on a chicken coop?
Because otherwise you'd have to call it a chicken sedan ...
ba dump ching!
for the subservient chix.
here's a list of other commands...
he can do:
the electric slide
the running man
the cabbage patch
lay an egg, fly, watch tv, read a book, take a nap, sit on the couch, kick the couch , punch the couch, fall down, hop on one foot, , look out, scratch yourself, run away, hide , jump on the couch, touch your feet, eat, destroy, die, strut about, do the chicken dance, jump, go to sleep, turn the light off, moon walk, wave hello, pick your nose, do a flip, headbang, cartwheel, Fight, spin, sneeze, burn something, drink water, shake your booty, shoot a basktet,
Did you hear about the little boy who swallowed a rollful of pennies ?
Turned out he was okay, but we needed to watch him closely for in case there was any change.
.. oh my .. i only typed in "fall", "roll over",and "bark like a dog" .. after that I was afraid to try anything else ..
well, to go along with the "chick" theme.
why did the chick cross the playground?
to get to the other "slide"!!!!!
So this feed store owner sees this farmer come in one day and buy three dozen baby chicks. The feed store owner doesn't think too much of this as many folks today were turning to raising chickens for a living. But every week thereafter for the next ten weeks the same farmer comes in and each time buys a brand new three dozen baby chicks.
"Wow.. you must be having some great luck out there on your chicken farm."
To which the farmer replies, "Well, not really.. Actually I'm having some bad luck."
"Oh really? How so?"
"Well, I don't know what's going on... either I'm planting them too deep or too close together.."
Joke: Where do baby orphan chicks live?
Answer: FOSTER FARMS!!! :)